The Farewell is the type of film to hold up a mirror to you and ask how you’d handle the situation at play. The central issue is that protagonist Billi Wang, played by Awkwafina, is expected to hide from her own grandma, Nai Nai, played by Zhao Shu-zhen, that the latter has cancer and only a few months to live. Billi has also spent most of her life in America and is mostly uninvolved with her relatives. As such, Billi functions as an audience surrogate who witnesses the livelier other family members. While every other member goes along with the lie, there is variety in both how strongly they feel about doing this and how well they manage to hide it. Sewed in throughout is analysis of cultural divides, how they inform our supposedly objective morals, and how they can affect one family. Such struggles are portrayed through scenes of characters eating and conversing.
It isn’t explicitly said if Nai Nai would want this hidden from her, though she did follow along with this custom for other family members. Perhaps she would’ve rather told them or maybe she really did feel hiding it was right? Speaking of being more open, when the family eats and argues, the discussion can get heated and at least make the audience uncomfortable, though the other characters are not even focused on particularly strongly, with us not seeing their reaction. What we do see more strongly is either characters struggling to keep in the big lie or having their own separate lies. Any lie that is kept is done with the noble intention of not worrying other family members. As an American, I am very used to and can relate to these “little lies” about things like your relationships and employment.
Seeing the family stress with these lies could leave you feeling that logically, one should not hold these lies. Especially because Billi’s uncle at one point says that the reason the American-raised Billi can’t handle this is that America is more individualistic, like it’s the responsibility of the person with cancer to deal with it, but China sees it as the responsibility of the whole family. You can imagine that what Nai Nai or others may prefer is to let the lies out and let everyone cope with them together, instead of bottling them in. The opinionated arguing of earlier could be seen as a consequence of this behavior.
If someone, let’s say, is offended by another, they may just hold it in and it thus seeps out in these sorts of ways. Someone like Billi’s mom might feel an obligation to be more open and honest with Billi about what she thinks is best and is often really hurtful to her, possibly due to her various stressors. Billi not being so open about this to her mom might result in that sort of negative behavior continuing needlessly. The uncle on the other hand probably feels fed up with Billi, though he doesn’t understand that she didn’t choose to be acclimated into American culture and their way of thinking. Billi also doesn’t understand there might be a deeper and caring reason for hiding this that she just wasn’t in the position to comprehend.
There is certainly a case to be made for the lie. As an example, Nai Nai continues to exercise and take care of herself. Some might just give up on such behavior if they think it won’t matter. This also comes back into play later. Billi’s mom even says at the beginning that the fear of cancer is what kills someone, not the disease itself. While it is a bit silly that everyone has to contrive an event just to see her, that does mean it’s based on joy and something happy going on, instead of something sad. One of the best shots in the film is of the whole family taking a group photo. Lulu Wang’s directing really shows how this whole thing is making everyone feel and the complexity of their emotions. Due to the groom of the wedding they’re attending not seeming very happy, it does leave you wondering if he wishes he could’ve gotten married on different terms where everybody isn’t coming into this with their own baggage and needs.
SPOILERS
One of the big heart jerker scenes is at the end when Billi confesses to her grandma that her fellowship was rejected, when she had been lying about that. Nai Nai thus offers a warm and loving response, as opposed to something like feeling she should try harder. That breaks the tension and leads to a sense of relief for Billi and arguably could be a message that at least the small lies should be revealed. Billi’s mother’s cold exterior being broken by her crying in front of Billi can also show how good it feels to be vulnerable in front of a loved one, despite how embarrassing or telling it might be. It makes the mom more of a character, someone hiding her emotions, rather than just someone that is over opinionated.
On the other hand, Billi shouting at the end mirrors her grandma’s advice on how to relieve negative emotions. If the grandma was worried about dying, maybe she wouldn’t be in a position to help her and thus pass on a positive message? Text at the end says that Lulu Wang’s grandma is still alive, which suggests it was true that hiding the secret is what kept her going. Note that the grandma is certainly alive as of 2020 and if she is still going in the current year of 2023, then she’d have managed ten years after the diagnosis. It does seem that if the past sick family members that Nai Nai among others hid this information from had been told of their illness, it wouldn’t have worsened their longevity. If they did live much longer than expected, that would have been an important thing to note.
The screenplay for the film is very clever, with different things being hidden from others, sometimes in front of the person others want out of the conversation. The characters that speak Chinese and not English being cut out of English conversations and non-Chinese speakers kept out of Chinese ones mirrors how cultural divides can make people, even family, feel excluded from and unable to understand the others. One of the more haunting examples of this is when Billi and a doctor discuss how bad Nai Nai’s cancer is and the ethics of lying with Nai Nai present and happily sitting, unaware of what they’re discussing. Billi’s uncle crying in front of everyone may suggest that separation will lessen, as he’s doing the sort of thing everyone was afraid of Billi doing.
OVERVIEW
It’s hard to get over the distress everyone feels from hiding so much. Between the more American approach and Chinese approach to hiding this sort of thing, the best would perhaps be to be honest about all this, but still encouraging to never give up on bettering yourself. The judgment of others, especially your family, can shut you down, so in theory such behavior should cease. It is apparent that this “judgmental” way of acting can give relief, like to Billi’s uncle who gets sick of Billi’s view, feeling it’s selfish. Arguably it’d be better to still express any reservation, just in a nice way. It is difficult to imagine how one would nicely criticize another person on a fundamental level, like their way of thinking. Even if they do things like not raising their voice, it would still probably cause a mess. Thus, my idea on the “best” option is more based on our current understanding of human mentality, when maybe what we really need is to move beyond it?
The Farewell doesn’t offer answers. Lulu Wang probably doesn’t have any, seeing as she was essentially in Billi’s position of wanting to be honest, but feeling compelled to maintain a lie and never telling her grandma. Many of the conversations in the film feel like real ones Lulu might have had or witnessed, leaving it up to the viewer to interpret what it all means or says about the apparent subjects of cultural divides and lying. The movie is so powerful in how the sharp writing focuses on simply telling you these struggles and problems exist. The acting is consistently realistic, with plenty of comments said leaving one to wonder if something is being lied about, even if it’s something that isn’t brought up again or relevant to the plot. In just showing us how these issues manifest in a situation, you’re left with a story that feels very human, layered, and more importantly open ended.
The Filme Diary 